Many of you know that I have struggles with weight ever since I started having children. My whole life, I never knew what it was like to need to watch what I eat or worry that things won't fit. Now I know that I should be grateful and feel very blessed for that history because it is an awful feeling. The pregnancy years were tough and pretty hard on my self esteem. It's like I was a totally different person for those eight years than the person I was for the first 30 years of my life. If you didn't see me during those years ( the "Large Marge" years), let me assure you that I am not one of those people who exagerate this kind of thing. Let's just say that I was big enough that my husband's grandpa said to my face that I was "almost big enough to pull a plow." And I had my first cousin say, "there she blows," and when I tried to ignore him, he made sure that I knew that he was saying I was as big as a whale. (Am I the only one with relatives who have no tact?) Luckily my husband never even hinted at such a thing. He says he likes women to not be too skinny, so that they don't have a womenly figure. Perhaps he's a really good liar or perhaps the fact that I wanted and needed to believe it helped a lot.
Now it's time to enter a new stage and I have high hopes for a good future. But I do realize that keeping in shape will be a big part of the rest of my life. I have a lot of determination, and right after the last baby, I dieted big time and got down to my goal weight in 10 months. I also got into the size of jeans I wanted, but I was so flabby and untoned that I wasn't as pleased as I planned. I went off the diet for the holidays and was suprised at how quickly one can gain the weight back. Then I began the world of P90X. I am still a believer, but I think it is better designed for someone who has no life and no house full of sickies. My husband and I have vowed to conquer the program but I hate doing things half way, so we're going to wait until Sept to start, because our lives are a little more simple at that time. Right now I'm just eating healthy and going to the gym, because it fits pretty easily into my day in the summer time.
My goal now, is to hit a weight and pants size that I can comfortably say out loud and still be muscular and tone. My opinion is that fat is better than flabby, so that is my current state. I am so determined that I have decided that I will never again by an article of clothes with a number on the tag that I don't like. I will simply buy two moo moo's that can cover my nakedness until the clothes that I allow myself to buy will fit. I recently went on a big shopping trip with my mother in law and sister in law's using this rule. I purchased a lot of shirts and no pants. I think I look pretty good from the waste up and from the knees down, but my bum and thighs are holding up the progress and it's me vs. them from here on out.
